I recently celebrated my 8-year anniversary with my husband.
8 years is both a long stretch and a short blip of my life.
We’ve known each other as friends, then as boyfriend/girlfriend, then as each other’s fiancé, and now as husband and wife.
And through each of these periods of our relationship, I’ve learned something that is important and impactful.
The love of your life will love you. No. Matter. What.
If someone had told me this before I had met my now-husband, I’d find it corny, cheesy, too good to be true.
How could someone love you no matter what?
What about when you get into a fight?
What about when they annoy you?
What about those mornings when you wake up, no makeup (or worse smeared makeup), gunk in the eyes, breath smelling bad?
How in the hell is someone going to look at me and love me in any of those states?
But that’s exactly when they love you the most.
Because it is in these moments where we feel our most vulnerable, where we think we look gross or disgusting, where we’ve just said something we’ll regret, where we want to hide or push away those closest to us… it is in these moments that the love of your life comes through.
Think about wedding vows… the promises a couple makes to each other as they bind themselves together forever.
One of the simplest but most powerful statements you make during them is to love each other for better or for worse.
Even if things get uncomfortable or difficult or hard. Even if you’re angry, pissed off, literally ready to throw everything out the window. (ahem, not like I know about this….)
The love of your life will always be there for you.
There may no promise of a discussion, an apology, a kiss or a hug to move forward — but they’re gonna love you anyway.
They won’t give a shit if you don’t have makeup on, if you gained weight or lost it, if you have a wrinkle or a scar, if you have an issue or a million worries.
They love you because they see what is perfect and what isn’t, and it is all OKAY.
They can do this because they know they’re the same, filled with great and not-so-great qualities, and that’s normal.
If you have a problem, if you’re scared, if you’re angry, if you’re a complete and total mess: the love of your life is by your side, ready to help you… or ready to scream into a pillow with you.
They’ve done the same, so they don’t fault you for when you have to.
So, the love of your life is there for you through all these shitty moments in your life. Great, fantastic.
But what about when things are going AMAZING for me. What if I am soaring, excelling, succeeding?
They’re gonna love you no matter what then, too. They’ll be happy for your salary raises and promotions, for budding careers and applause in front of a crowd.
When you get a new hobby and want to spend hours invested in it, days, weeks, who knows? They’re going to support you.
Because along with being there for you in your worst moments, they are there for you at your best — and they are never intimidated. They are proud. Happy. Excited. They love you no matter what.
This was something that I didn’t understand or learn easily… that the love of your life will push you to be your best self.
They know you can be a star, a sun, a solar system of greatness. And because they love you, they’re going to move mountains for you and with you.
They can help you see what you couldn’t see yourself… and when you find it, they will smile as you shine.
So if you ever find this kind of love, or see a glimmer of it, hold tight.
Hold tight, and embrace it, even if it terrifies you. It certainly scared me.
I couldn’t believe that love included things like this… that people existed in this way.
But they do.
There is someone (or maybe more than one) that will love you, no. matter. what.
And I know for myself at least, I love them just as strongly back because of that.
Photo Credit: Betsy Newman